he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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