I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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