this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
