i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
