Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
