This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
