I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
