it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I only lived at night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
