You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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