Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
