So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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