Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
