What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
