The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
