Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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