The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
