Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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