Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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