So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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