He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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