Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
