Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
