I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
