Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
