the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
