I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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