so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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