Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
