Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
