my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
