They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
