oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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