Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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