Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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