He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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