I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
