And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
