Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
