apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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