When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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