For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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