He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
