My nipple is on Facebook.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
