and you said cock pushups were impossible
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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