just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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