Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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