My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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