His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
