For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dignity is for republicans.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
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Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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