Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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