I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
