this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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