I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
