hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
