I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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