I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
