I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
