Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
