Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
