shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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