the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
