remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
