sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
