I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
