I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
