sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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