hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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