some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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