Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
